kaboom, baby! (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} bulletlung) wrote, |
:DDD ahh, thanks for the crit.
i was nervous about the flashback sequence but yeah, it takes place before the story begins but after his surgery (as his transplant surgery occurs when he is 13, and this entire chapter takes place when he is 17). i didn't want to make it a prologue or anything. would adding a "one week earlier" at the beginning of the flashback work, or should i place the flashback sequence near the beginning of the chapter altogether?
(and the doctor part was just for dramoo-tic effect, really. he IS on medication, although in my fic his kidney is sick to the point of being fatal without any transplant, and his family doesn't have the money for another surgery. i wanted to show the extent of his sickness by really elaborating on his vomitting and such, as all too often you read fics/books in which someone who is terminally ill rarely shows the ugly side effects. the part where mr. nameless doctor didn't think to medicate him just meant for that point in time, as i'm sure i've written a scene - at least in the second chapter - where roxas pops quite a few pills.)
and yeeeah, sorry if the summary is misleading - his donor does hold the key to saving his life, because only his donor knows WHY his donated kidney is failing, which'll be revealed in a later chapter. i don't want to give it away but it's also only through his donor that roxas will be able to find the people that can "cure" him, so to speak.
:] and thank you. i'll post the second chapter as soon as my beta is through with it, which should hopefully be in a few days.
i was nervous about the flashback sequence but yeah, it takes place before the story begins but after his surgery (as his transplant surgery occurs when he is 13, and this entire chapter takes place when he is 17). i didn't want to make it a prologue or anything. would adding a "one week earlier" at the beginning of the flashback work, or should i place the flashback sequence near the beginning of the chapter altogether?
(and the doctor part was just for dramoo-tic effect, really. he IS on medication, although in my fic his kidney is sick to the point of being fatal without any transplant, and his family doesn't have the money for another surgery. i wanted to show the extent of his sickness by really elaborating on his vomitting and such, as all too often you read fics/books in which someone who is terminally ill rarely shows the ugly side effects. the part where mr. nameless doctor didn't think to medicate him just meant for that point in time, as i'm sure i've written a scene - at least in the second chapter - where roxas pops quite a few pills.)
and yeeeah, sorry if the summary is misleading - his donor does hold the key to saving his life, because only his donor knows WHY his donated kidney is failing, which'll be revealed in a later chapter. i don't want to give it away but it's also only through his donor that roxas will be able to find the people that can "cure" him, so to speak.
:] and thank you. i'll post the second chapter as soon as my beta is through with it, which should hopefully be in a few days.
