but I soundproofed the trunk (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} kokanshu) wrote in bulletlung, |
I think placing it towards the beginning would help some. You don't need to put a 'one week earlier' - it's clear it's a flashback, it just needs some explanation of when the flashback is taking place, something you should be able to easily express through your prose.
I had guessed you had done the doctor's negligence for dramatic effect, but my point is that it's not really necessary (it's a bit overkill in a scene that has both Roxas and Cloud collapsing into tears - at this point it passes dramatic and sails right on into melodramatic) as well as being unrealistic. And if you have him taking pills later on, then it becomes redundant anyway.
I had guessed you had done the doctor's negligence for dramatic effect, but my point is that it's not really necessary (it's a bit overkill in a scene that has both Roxas and Cloud collapsing into tears - at this point it passes dramatic and sails right on into melodramatic) as well as being unrealistic. And if you have him taking pills later on, then it becomes redundant anyway.
